Buzzword Paybacks
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007What I thought would be useful was to find a way to remove these words and phrases from the vocabulary. Finally I think i’ve found the solution: the punisherizer(er).
For every buzzword or buzz-phrase that somebody uses any others in the vicinity have the responsibility to hand out a standardised (that’s not a buzzword btw) punishment. We’re compiling the table at the moment, but here’s a sneak preview to get you all warmed up.
* Synergy/Synergise - automatic castration using wooden implements (admittedly this means we all have to carry around a castrating wooden tool - but no pain no gain!)
* Sing From The Same Hymnsheet - (this needs pre-planning). Record about 10 hours of the Ricki Lake or Jeremy Kyle show, superglue the perpetrator to a sofa infront of a TV, superglue their eyes open and start recordings. I recommend a punishment cycle of less than 20 hours as this punishment can cause irrepairable damage.
* Thinking outside of the Box - find a large box made of concrete, place offender inside, deposit into deep river or sea.
* Leftfield - wait until winter, tie person naked to a tree in a field. Leave in a “spartan baby” type way until problem is solved
* SOA (or the more verbose “Service Oriented Architecture”) - find a drawer with a good solid motion, deposit something delicate inside it, slam repeatedly (note: if the same person has misused the words “extreme programming” or “agile development” too then feel free to superglue pins to the inside of the drawer…
Some people don’t think these punishments are commensurate with the crime - but please remember: don’t be gentle or they just won’t learn, after all you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs (damn… sorry i’m just off to apply electricity to my earlobes as punishment for that phrase).
As an easier alternative you should just invent new idiotic phrases that are guaranteed to annoy and confuse - full marks go to Neil of Winters Consulting for his brilliant “strapping the lllama” which began to be used within a certain large organisation (that was buzzword crazy) we were working with.